Feeling Guilty

June 18, 2009

Yep, your dear old Uncle Block has experienced a slice of life behind bars. It happened a long time ago. And I was innocent. I was framed by a dishonest cop in the town of Taber, Alberta back in 1978. I managed to wriggle out of the worst of it with high-priced legal help from the firm of Harradance and Moore.

The cop walked away Scott free. It still burns me to this day to think that that criminal, who gave me a good choking in the process, was not subject to any measure of justice for what he did.

Anyway, just so you know… I have been in a jail cell and I never want to go back.

The problem these days, I find, is that, without really doing anything much different from what I have been doing since I was a teenager, I am becoming more of a lawbreaker every day.

Just kidding. I would never break the law. I have a profound reverence for the law. I mean, it's a great tool for use by lobbyists and special interest groups who want to get stuff without necessarily paying for it. And think of all the new government jobs, at union wages, that will be created as a result of all the upcoming green legislation. Law is becoming increasingly lucrative for some people.

So I try to live my life as a law-abiding citizen every day. But it ain't easy, folks. No sireee!

Sometimes I like to sit back and daydream about what I would do if I finally cracked up totally… (Extreme Libertariosis - a psychotic reaction to increased regulation of every day life by the government.)

In my daydream, I would walk into a government building with a cigarette dangling from my mouth. (A lit cigarette.) And some officer comes up to me and gives me a fine for smoking in a public place. And I laugh in his face because I am a recipient of ODSP (Ontario Disability Support Program,) after Libertariosis has been judged, by the proper [government appointed] authorities, a serious debilitating illness.

So, even if they do manage to squeeze the fine out of me, I derive satisfaction from the fact that I didn't actually have to earn the money.

Yep, what a day for a daydream.

But I haven't cracked up yet… well, at least I have been able to hide the fact, to some degree, by not smoking in government buildings or bars.

I had a lady in my cab recently. We talked about the fact that smoking in cabs was now illegal in the Province of Ontario. We had a chuckle over that. I won't say whether either of us was smoking. As she got out of the cab, she winked at me and said, "I might stoop, but I won't bend over."

And that got me thinking of just how often it is, these days, I find myself stooping..... checking the rear and side view mirrors before I light one up… and the one I am lighting up came from a pack without a tax stamp on it…. And all the time, I am sitting in a "No Stopping Zone," because the local taxi regulatory authority has not the faintest clue of what it is doing. (Too many cabs, not nearly enough business to support them, hence, desperate cabbies populating "No Stopping," zones.

And then I get this ex-con in my cab, a real scary dude with all the tattoos and scars. And he tells me he wants a "flat rate," to such and such a destination. I decide, in the interest of my own safety, to accept the flat rate offer rather than argue with this person, but in so doing, I end up breaking the law yet again! It is illegal in the City of Hamilton to drive a passenger without the meter running. If I get caught, I am subject to a fine.

And the next fare is a couple of rowdy drunk guys who brag to me that they are "ironworkers." Now these guys don't even know exactly where it is they want to go, and their hearing ain't so good neether… because when they ask me if it's ok for them to smoke in my cab I tell them, "No," not because I respect the "law," that mandates I act as an unpaid smoke cop, but because I don't want these drunks dropping their ashes all over my cab or burning the seats.

But they light up anyway. (I enjoy the aroma of the *deadly* second hand smoke.) But I am still annoyed. Not by the fact that these two drunks have ignored my request… but by the fact that unless I now escalate the situation, I am breaking the law by allowing these guys to smoke. I could be fined. If I press the matter further, as Dalton McGuilty and his government have now mandated, I run the risk of having parts of my taxi vandalized, or possibly even a physical assault… all in the name of, "protecting people from certain dangers."

I have to say this. McGuilty, you and your cronies are ignorant, arrogant assholes.

And then it comes to one of those rare days when the weather is real bad…. And cabs are actually busy… and a woman with five young kids, shivering in the rain, tries to flag me down…

Do I ignore her? Or do I pull over and pick her and her kids up? Well, firstly, I have to consider the law… I am only allowed to take four passengers (car seats? Booster seats? Do I have to extinguish my smoke?) …. And being the law-abiding citizen I am, I decide to leave her and her kids in the wind and rain.

Thank you, government, for making simple decisions so complicated.

At the end of the trip, the lady gives me a tip. I forget to write it down, and now I am guilty of another crime, because my master claims to have the right to know about every penny that is put into my hand.

Frederic Douglas said, "I stole this head, these limbs, this body from my master and ran off with them."

So I guess I am a thief too.

And then, finally, when the shift is over… well, I don't want to tell you about the evil, politically incorrect thoughts that occupy my mind…. Nor about certain other furtive illegal acts…

So, when they finally come to break down my door… I wonder will I get any time off for the hours I spent obeying the law? (while sleeping.)